 |
A Day I'll Never Forget The day started out fine in our little mud house where we all lived -- the five of us children, there with our mother, in a one room shack. My youngest brother was only two months old, and I must have been about seven. I remember the day a car putted up along the side of the road and my auntie got out and started talking to my mother. |
| I didn't know what was being said, at the time, but the next
thing we knew, mom said she was going to get some food at the store; she got
into the car and left -- she didn't come back. Mother always told us not to tell anyone that we were home alone. When people come around, asking for her, we always said she was in the bush, getting wood or food. During that time I grew up really fast. I was the second oldest. I had to learn to change the baby and feed him, as well as take care of the rest of the children. We stayed like that until the day someone came and really checked us out. We had no food or anything. The next time we saw our mother was the day we went to court. We didn't know it then, but that was the last time we would see each other for a long time. That night, we were taken to Edmonton and put into a school. My mother was taken to jail and was there for a long time. I think my brother applied for custody of us, but it took him awhile to get us. The three of us were eventually brought home and he looked after us. I feel that this was the time we were really questioning ourselves and wondering who we were -- where we belonged. Sometimes I still feel like this, but then I realize I know differently, and I try to better myself. As an adult, with my own problems, I have learned to understand the pain my mother had and the circumstances that made her leave us. Through my healing process, I've been able to forgive her. Eliza Quinney |
|
| The Trip I would like to tell you about a trip we took to North Battleford. This trip consisted of us touring an Art Gallery. We saw a lot of art work by a Native artist. It was very interesting to view these paintings; some of them brought back memories. There was one painting in particular that really took me back. It was titled The Washing. It brought back the calming times I had when I went washing by the lake. I stood there by the picture and thought about the sounds I heard then -- the birds singing and my children playing around the near-by bush. I could really put myself in the picture and hear things There was another picture that brought back distant memories about the work we had to do as children. This picture was titled Picking Roots, and I remembered doing that as a child with my sisters and brothers. We would carry small bags, and shovels to dig up the roots, so we could sell them to the store in exchange for food or money. We didn't get much money for them, but I guess it was something. There were a lot of very interesting paintings at the gallery, but these two really meant something to me. I hope someday I can take my son to see these paintings. I wouldn't mind going back there myself. Eliza Quinney |
|
| The White Light The White light is between the By Derek Quinney |
Eliza reads to her granddaughter.  |
| |
|
| Changes If it were not for some choices I made in my life, I would not be alive today. Prior to 1983, my life was a living hell; not only for me, but for my children as well. I would like to share with you, some of the choices I made to make my life better. I am a Native woman, a widow, and mother of six children. My youngest is fifteen years old and lives with me. The rest are grown up and have their own families. I am presently enrolled in the Aboriginal Family Literacy program to try to improve my math skills. I hope to pass the entrance exam at the Blue Quills College, and to get into the Social Work program, or another form of social work. Before 1983, my home was on the reserve and I lived a life of constant drinking. I learned to drink, and became an alcoholic when I married my husband in 1964. I really do not like to think about the drinking part of my life, but I guess that is where my life started to end. It is funny how alcohol can change a person so much; a loving, caring person can turn into a hateful person. That is what I had become. Thinking back, I wonder how my children ever survived. We used to leave them alone, sometimes with no food. I should have been shot. I had no self-esteem and now, in retrospect, I realize I never did have self- esteem. I did not know what it meant to "like yourself." When my husband was drinking, he used to call me names and really put me down by saying, "Nobody wants you, not even your own mother." Whether I was sober or drunk, his words would hurt so much. I can't describe the pain and hurt I felt in my heart. Those were the times when my bottle of alcohol seemed to give me a kind of a soothing feeling. I really felt useless and I had no sense of purpose. It was at those times that I started to think of taking my own life. I knew my state of mind was not in the right place; I had to get help. The times when I would sober up and see my children playing with the dirty, empty bottles, I knew I had to do something to change the way we were living. I had to get away from my husband, the reserve, and drinking. I went to the Band office and asked if they would help us. They put us into the Interval Home and we stayed there for a whole month. That was in the fall of 1983. It was the beginning of a different kind of life. I never returned to the reserve after that time. I found a place here in the city and began to live a sober life. My children and I were happy to live peacefully, and not have to wait for my husband to come home and hit one of them, or me. My children now had a sober mother. Life was really different after we settled down. I never drank. I just stayed home all the time to be with my children. About a year later, hell broke loose again. I fell off the wagon. I thought after one year I would be able to handle one drink, but I was very wrong. It handled me. I drank every day, had parties, and didn't worry about my kids anymore. I drank constantly for almost two whole months before I hit rock bottom. At that time, I went to the doctor and asked him for some pills. He saw the state I was in and sent me to the Mental Health clinic to talk to someone. I knew this was not for me. I needed quicker help for my drinking or else I would end my life. I admitted myself into a treatment center for alcoholism. This was the crucial turning point in my life. I stayed in the Center for about a month and I quit drinking, with the help of AA. I cannot say that life was easy after that. It was a continuous struggle to stay sober. I had to go to AA meetings almost every night. I also did a lot of praying and I renewed my faith in God. The bottle had been my god until I found Him again, while at the treatment center. I now realize how much time I wasted due to drinking and not spending enough time with my children when they were small. I was always holding the bottle instead of them. I believe my children have forgiven me, and I'm sure I did not fail as a single parent. The way I see my kids today, I know I did something right. I have always taught my kids the value of life, and to respect other people, especially older people. After approximately two years of sobriety, I was determined to return to school and get my grade twelve. This was a dream that I always had, but it was not that easy to just get back into school. I had a lot of resentment in my life that I had to deal with first. I had to take a Life Skills program and see if it would help me. I had to take it twice because I quit the first time. I was not ready to dig back into my life. The second time I took Life Skills, I took a good look at myself and did not like what I saw. |
|
 |
This was the time I had to face things and let go of my anger, hurt, and
resentment. After the Life Skills program, I was able to see myself in a different light and start thinking about upgrading. It took me three years to graduate with my grade twelve diploma. Today, as I do my work at the Friendship Centre, I realize that what I have is worth the changes I made. I still have my sobriety and a stronger faith in God. Eliza Quinney |