Jokes, Jokes and More Jokes.

David's friends give him a very obnoxious parrot for his birthday. David tried to tame the parrot's bad language by playing soft music and treating it kindly, but nothing would stop the bird from cursing and swearing all the time.

Finally, unable to stand it any longer, David took the rude bird and threw it in the freezer. At first the parrot was very quiet, but soon it began squawking and begging for its life.

Guilt-stricken, David released the bird. It perched politely on David's shoulder. It nestled in close to David's neck and said, “I'm sorry I offended you. Please forgive me. I promise I will reform.” David was astounded at the bird's quick change in attitude.

Then the parrot said to David, “I've got just one question: What did the chicken do wrong?”

A movie producer was planning his next blockbuster - a docudrama about famous composers. So he approached Jean-Claude Van Damme, Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger and offered them a chance at selecting which famous musician each wanted to portray.

“Chopin has always been my favourite,” said Van Damme. “That's the part I'll play.”

“I've always admired Mozart,” Stallone said. “I'd love to play him.”

The producer turned to Schwarzenegger. “And you, Arnold? Whom do you want to be?”

There was a long silence, then he replied, “I'll be Bach.”