Abstract

In the summer of 1998, two colleagues and I signed up for the National Center for the Study of Adult Learning and Literacy (NCSALL) Teacher Research Project on Learner Motivation, Retention, and Persistence. That project proved problematic, although highly significant for me from the beginning of my participation. Several factors intersected that created this "problem." These included my understanding of teacher research, which differed somewhat from the facilitator's and the impracticality of my initial topic. Lack of any compelling attachment to the NCSALL project was the underlying motivational issue that limited my participation. This essay mirrors the initial NCSALL objective through an autobiographical study of one adult learner's struggle with motivation, persistence, and retention through the course of the project.

Learners, as consumers of service, directly or indirectly assess the cost-benefit ratio of their program participation every time they attend or do not attend classes/tutoring sessions. They judge whether the program is (1) meeting their expectations (realistic or unrealistic as their expectations may be); (2) helping them learn, or (3) helping them attain a better quality of life. When the costs of participation outweigh the benefits, [formal, or institutional] education loses its priority in their lives (Tracy-Mumford, 1994, p.4).

It became obvious that in each of the novels and short stories, the protagonist's resistance to school was more than just a rejection of school. It was a positive quest for freedom that each protagonist undertook with absolute conviction and, in some cases, with risk to reputation and even to life. In their eyes, resistance to school meant a determination to stay true to the beliefs and values of their own culture, their own race, or their religious heritage. Instead of conforming to what they saw as the spurious values promoted by schooling, they resisted authority as they saw it. The protagonists were seeking to gain the liberty to follow a culture, value system, or lifestyle that they held to be superior to that of school (Quigley, 1997, p. 201).

Throughout my adult life, I have persistently linked intellectual development with my on-going quest for personal identity. Without the formal and informal study of history, social theory, psychology, and religious studies, particularly, as profound pathways to my life-project search for meaning, in all likelihood, I would have merely personalized "adjustment" issues without a vivid regard for their varied contexts. Circuitously or directly, much of my intellectual activity has resonated with a desire either to probe into a deeply rooted personal issue or to make an effective connection between an object of study and my own subjective experience. This propensity has served as an inner guide to keep research areas stimulating and relevant. At times this has meshed well with the challenges and requirements of formal academic institutions, although my relationship to them has proven characteristically problematical (Demetrion, 1995, pp. 94-95).

Inside/Outside: Teacher Research and Knowledge

My understanding of teacher research stems from Cochran-Smith and Lytle (1993), Inside/Outside: Teacher Research and Knowledge. The primary assumption that drives my understanding of this emerging field is the claim by the authors that:

The unique feature of the questions that prompt teacher research is that they emanate from neither theory nor practice alone but from critical reflection on the two (Cochran-Smith and Lytle, 1993, p. 15).