May 31, 1999
Today, we are launching 5 stories from Samaritan House Training Centre in Brandon, Manitoba. The goal of the Centre is to help our students learn, and to improve their chances of finding meaningful employment through improvement in their academic, technical, communication, and workplace skills.
Some may say that drugs addicts are born into society but I believe that we are introduced to drugs, then conditioned to that way of life.
I was introduced to drugs at a tender age of ten, little did I know my life had ended that dreadful day. I was young and didn't know the demonic lifestyle I set forth for myself would one-day lead to chronic drug use suicidal tendencies and eventually a lose of everything in this lifetime. My first high got me hooked on drugs immediately but I didn't know it at the time. I was in with the crowd and it was the norm to go out every weekend and get stoned or have a few beers with the dope. Before I died at that tender age of ten I was a happy lad, did well in school, obeyed my parents and did everything nice little boys were expected to do. Well, dope ended the life of that little boy and what emerged was a drug addict who became a liar, thief, and arrogant young teen. The teenage years are hard enough without adding every known street drug to the picture. I went through my teens on acid because I out grew the marijuana high. During those years I became a skilled thief so I could support the devil's habit which was now my way of life.
The strange thing about living on dope was that my childhood friends for some reason were gone and replaced with drug users, pushers and criminals. Well, by then I had become a full fledge hard core addict with one thing on my mind, where and how to get my next fix. Addicts are at their best when this stage hits, they know where and what they have to do to get this fix. So there I was in my late teens, hard core user with a big drug habit and not enough money to support it. The only option I had now was to sell the poison that robbed me of the precious life that God had given me. Soon the years were flying by faster than I could count and it didn't seem to bother me at all for I only lived to get high. I was nineteen when I left home not because I wanted to but because my drug habit was starting to become noticed by family members and my loving parents. I couldn't handle the pain I was causing my loved ones so I ran, for twenty years.
When I left home, I moved to mining town where I soon found in record time my new drug buddies. I arrived in town and in less than six hours I had my drug contacts made and was already stoned, not bad for a professional drug addict. I landed my first job at a department store, now I had a steady flow of money for the substance that conquered my mind and soul.
I was in a new town with new drug buddies but I was still alone. I was twenty, alone and ready or so I thought to start a relationship. I met my wife to be and within two weeks we were living together, she was five years younger and naïve. Wow! It didn't take me long to get her into drugs, now I kind of thought life was complete. So there I was, a new job, live-in drug partner and everything seem to be going good. One low paying job and two drug users, soon I was hiding drugs from her because there wasn't enough to go around.
Wham! Along came an unexpected pregnancy and the responsibility that went with the first born. It was rough going at first then got steadily worse. I started to become more agitated, verbally abusive, angry and depressed. This was not what I had planned for family life. Being who I was I kept reaching for the drugs to medicate the pain that I had brought on myself. My baby girl was a year old and dad was spending four hundred dollars a month of the family income on the demon that was sucking the life out of me. Seven years went by when the second child came into my life, a beautiful boy. In my mind I was hoping that I would somehow become a happy person, this was not to be for I was truly a dope-up arrogant bitter man. In the coming ten years I would become a crack cocaine addict, possibly because weed couldn't kill the pain.
Now came a new era, I had to change jobs to accommodate my new very expensive drug habit. I doubled my income but still less money reached home. Well now I had to compensate for the lack of money so I started gambling with vlts. Now this habit was the bad of the bad for addictions. The first five minutes I played I won the thousand -dollar jackpot, from then on my precious life spiraled down. Losing my life wasn't all, I took my whole family down with me, something which to this day has yet to be forgiven.
During my thirty years of drug use I disowned my parents and the rest of my family by simply not staying in contact with them. It has been twenty-one years since I have seen my father and most of my siblings. I started gambling in 1995, within a year I had lost my own family, a thirty-two thousand job and everything that I had worked for. In March of 1996 the divorce became final. I was now alone, scared and fell into a deep suicidal depression for which I thought there was no coming back. I stayed in that state for fourteen long lonely months but still had my drugs. I deteriorated rapidly going from 145 lbs. to 90 lbs. in six months, by now all I wanted from this life was death. With the oncoming of anxiety attacks I attempted suicide but this too was not to be, I later thanked the Lord for placing the image of my kids in my brain. At this point in time I sought medical treatment but refused to take the medication probably because I had not regained the will to live. After two and half years I accepted the fact that the love for my ex-wife was no longer in my heart.
I was sitting down one day smoking a second joint which by the way was laced with cocaine when it dawned on me that I wasn't feeling any effects from the high that I should be experiencing. At that very moment half way through that evil smoke I put it out, vowing never again will I pollute my mind, body or soul. It's hard to explain that feeling of joy I felt in that one-second flash. It was as though my evil heart was ripped from my pounding chest and replaced with a brand new one. I have never felt so good in my whole life. Nothing compared to this new heart, which gave back every feeling a man could want including the feeling of love.
I went through a recovery program, which helped me to open up and accept the extremely strong emotions I was experiencing. After the A.F.M. program I forced myself to go back to school. I found the only suitable place for me to be at ease entering an educational upgrading program was at the Samaritan House Training Center. As an introverted person I found it difficult to interact with people. Once I settled in and became more opened-minded I realized going back to school wasn't hard at all. I believe a big part of my still successful recovery is due to going back to school. The staff at Samaritan House are concerned individuals with counseling backgrounds therefore able to help students in a more pleasant and understanding way. Also the volunteer tutors are well educated and assist the students in many aspects of their education.
I am coming up on my first birthday soon and I do hope to share it with God, new friends and the people I love. Thank you God for my second chance at this beautiful life, I won't let you down again.