National Adult Literacy Database

February 14, 2000

This week, we are launching 8 stories from Prince George, BC and as a special event you can read their stories as well as hear them. The learners are from two programs in Prince George : the Native Friendship Centre as well as College and Career Preparation at the College of New Caledonia.

Sherry Dawson is 20 years old and joined CCP or College and Career Preparation at the College of New Caledonia, in Prince George, BC in August 1999. Sherry was born and raised in Prince George. The following is a letter written to a friend after she committed suicide.

Play an audio version of this story

Letting Go

by Sherry Dawson

Dear Barb :

It was 2 am, October 13 and the phone rang. It was your mom, and she was sobbing. A number of thoughts soared through my mind. Had something happened to your dad, or even worse to you. Nothing in the world could have prepared me for the words your mom finally spoke.

"Sherry" she said, "Barb is gone".
"Gone, what do you mean gone?"
"She is dead".

As I laid there I thought "It couldn't be true, I wanted my mind to reject the words I had just heard. I almost asked, "Are you sure?", but as I thought about it, I realized your mom would not have called me otherwise. I must say my memories of the next few days were a haze of unreality. I didn't know what hurt worse, loosing you, or seeing your mom act bravely when I knew her world was shattered. As I watched her die inside, I felt her pain, as the day you died a part of my heart died with you. We shared so many things and now I was alone.

You were my one true friend, someone that I could tell anything to. The one person that shared a lot of my thoughts and pain. The day of your funeral I could not go and say goodbye. Maybe part of me thought you were still alive, but as the hour approached I realized that I had to go or I would never forgive my self. Seeing your mom and dad sitting there as the minister read a letter that you had left for them almost killed me. Your mom grabbed your picture and sobbed "God, not my baby, oh God, not my little girl."

I was so angry at you later that day that I screamed out you name. "Barb," I yelled, "how could you have taken your life? How could you have been so selfish?"

I guess I will never get those answers. I miss you each day, but somehow I have to go, and live my life without my best friend. Barb, I will get married without you by my side holding my flowers, and crying with me at the altar, and I will have children without you there to say "It will be fine, and you will make it."

I no longer have my best friend to share my sorrows and my joys with. I no longer have the one person that knew my heart, and my soul. I will miss you always, and will always love you. I will take care of your mom and dad. Barb, you made your choice, and now I must make mine and live the life you should have.

Someday I might understand why you did this, and maybe I wont, but one thing I know is that life is so precious.

So with that said I will finally say goodbye to a friend that I will always miss, and always love.

Love always,
your best friend
Sherry